Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
