And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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