Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
