My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
