i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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