My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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