So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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