I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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