I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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