at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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