Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
