I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
