i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I died a long time ago.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im holly from the hills drunk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize