don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
