finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize