your room smells of hookers.
And success
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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