I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
