Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
