Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
