I just saw a hot homeless man
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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