a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
