OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
