M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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