i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
