Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
