So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
