This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
