If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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