beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
