U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
