he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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