I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
