Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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