if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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