If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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