the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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