Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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