so explain again why im purple
no
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
