thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
