Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I cockslap morals
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
