I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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