my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize