i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
