and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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