can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
please come you make the beer taste better
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
