As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
