Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
