I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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