she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
