don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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