So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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