I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
