Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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