Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
