Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
