yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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