i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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