I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
