Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i would punch a child for taco bell
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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