wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
