Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
