dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
