i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
