brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
