my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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