the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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