he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
