uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am naked and annoyed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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