Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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