I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
