Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
