You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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