Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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