New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
