Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
