There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize