dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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